Alone in the car

The kids are always in the car with me, so I'm usually listening to the DVD playing a movie or some happy voice singing about ducks and cows. Today I was blissfully alone and I took advantage of the time to see what was on the radio these days.
I stopped when I heard a voice that reminded of James Blunt, but the song was too much rock to be him. I listened and heard a song that brought back memories of my life before Wayne.
For so many years my heart ached and I was almost comfortable in my constant state of turmoil. I loved the wrong people and my heart was always shattered. It's been a while since I've thought of those years.

Have a listen to O.A.R. Shattered.

Burr

The weather has turned cold (for Georgia) 30's at night and 50's during the day. Yesterday there was a bitter wind, so we stayed inside all day. We are outside people, so as soon as we rose this morning, the kids and I were gazing longingly out the windows. We waited a few hours until the day had warmed, then we bundled up and headed outside. We pushed trucks, rode bikes, raked up leaves then ran through them, and marched around with sticks...we were free. We stayed outside until William let me know that he had gone pee pee. He'll usually go on playing and not tell me (and maybe I don't ask because I'm having too much fun myself) but wet pants on a cold day was just too much for him to endure! The forecast looks good, warmer for the next several days. I don't know how people make it through freezing winters with little kids. I'd go crazy long before the snow had melted.

Hungry!

For the past two months I have been hungry! Hungry with a strong insatiable craving for things.
Every night, around 9 pm, I want an English muffin with marmalade jam. I keep an extra package or two of muffins in the freezer so I won't run out. And if I have to use a different jam, I'm just not as satisfied.
Last month, I bought cookie dough to bake with the kids, but instead I ate it. Not all at once, but slowly, a few chunks at at time. When it was gone I felt guilty, and I knew I shouldn't be eating raw dough, but really I just wanted to more. I am refraining from buying more, but I pause to ogle the dough when I pass by at the grocery store.
Now we have Halloween candy up in the cabinet. I left the bags closed until today. I shouldn't have opened them, but the crackle bars were calling out to me. Now I've sampled enough to be a little sick.
I don't know what has overcome me. I loved being thin over the summer. I would walk a mile a day, and I ate well. Clothes fit when I am in shape and I feel better about myself.
So, I'm going to have to kick the junk food habit and set some limits.
Starting tomorrow.

Completely Dependent

Our Internet went down in the middle of a Skype call to Grandma Irene. My kitty and monkey were trashing the play room, tossing toys up into the air, dancing on their books, and singing wheels on the bus to Grandma. Then, out of the blue our call was dropped. Of course my first instinct was to blame the kids...what did you touch?!? Then I thought it must be Irene's connection or maybe Skype. But, in the end, after fiddling around for a while, I found it was our Internet.
Down, down down...for over a day!
I was grumpy the rest of Saturday and much of today. I couldn't check emails, our bank account, or write a blog. And then I got the news, we were up! I couldn't wait for the kid's bed time, so I could get reconnected; balance things in Quicken, catch up with friends, see new photos...and write this.

Waiting up

This evening, I should be sleeping and giving my body a rest so it can fight off this cold. Instead I am sitting up watching a stupid movie and typing this blog. Wayne went to New York today, and since I don't sleep well without him, I have two options.
1. Stay up and wait for him to come home.
2. Crawl into bed and listen to all the sounds of the house. OK, I could also get William and have him cuddle with me. But last night he slept in his own bed all night, and it was so nice to have my own pillow.

Why is that no matter how tired, I fight going to bed. But when I finally lie down, it feels like heaven. And I hate getting up? Hum, in typing that, I think I should go to bed now....I can always record this movie for some other late night insomnia.

Good night.

Watching the W's

Last night while I cooked dinner, Wayne took William and Wynn outside to play. From time to time I would look outside and all three would be busy in a task. Wynn was dancing on the stepping stones, William was in a hole with his red shovel, Wayne was swinging at imaginary golf balls.
Today Wynn is napping and daddy and William are outside again. The wind is blowing leaves from the trees and the wind chimes are singing a loud song. I can hear William's laughter, carried to me by the breeze, and they just walked by, William tight in daddy's arms.
It was joyful to watch my family enjoying each other.

Hayrides, pony rides and pumpkins

I love fall! Now that we have been here a year, we are really trying to take advantage of all the fall activities that go on around us.
Last weekend we went to Country Junction Farms. For $7, we got to pet farm animals, take a pony ride (only the little ones) go for a hay ride, and pick a small pumpkin!
We had a blast! It was my first hay ride...the tractor fumes weren't quite as romantic as the horses of my imagination.

Losing it

Sometimes William (and occasionally Wynn) can really push my buttons. It's usually when I'm already tired, at the end of a long day that started too early. He will be tired too and will not listen. But, he will do something, almost anything, that makes me angry. Instead of being a calm parent, I raise my voice and stomp around.
I've read enough parenting books to know that losing my temper is the worst way to parent. That it is through calmness they learn to make better decisions on their own.
So, I am gong to try to count to 10 before I react. Maybe I'll keep a journal of things that really get me going, so that I can find ways to avoid certain situations.
I want to be a good mom and as calm as possible.

Project Runway and the final debate

Oh, how I love my DVR. Tonight I watched the final three ladies of project runway as they showed their collection at Bryant Park. I judged as the models pranced down the runway and was pleased when Leanne, my pick, won!
And, once it was over, I went to my recording of the debates and listened to Obama and McCain dish it out. Now I just have to wait 3 weeks to see if my pick wins again!

Now that I'm gone

I knew that California had it's advantages, the weather, the ocean, but having always lived there, I couldn't really see what I had. Now that I've been here for a year, I truly appreciate that in California you can be anyone, from any where, with any god or none at all.
Almost every time I meet someone new, they want to know which church I go to. 34 years in California and I was never asked. I never felt like I had to explain or even think about how my choices may effect the possibility of becoming friends with someone.
In California, diversity was a norm. Here is seems that while slight variations are possible, you can be a Baptist or a Presbyterian, you shouldn't get too far away from center.
I love the diversity of Ca and the people that I know there. I hope that in time it will spread and people will become more aware and open, willing to see that we each find our purpose and direction in our own way.

Georgia Airshow

Yesterday we went to the Georgia Airshow. We had to park the car a distance away and take a school bus over. William thought it was so exciting to be inside a school bus, it was probably his favorite part of the day.
There were planes and helicopters on the ground, which we could look at and even get inside a few. William sat inside a Blackhawk with the helmet on! Wynn was so excited and kept pointing at the planes and wanted to run and touch them, even when they were on the other side of a barrier.
Once the show started, the kids were a little overwhelmed by the noise. They liked the older planes, but the fighter jet was too much for them.
We went over to a park that is at the air field, and the kids had much more fun playing on the swings and slide. At the park there was a group of military personnel, kids just out of high school, playing Frisbee. It was hard to imagine them in Iraq facing danger. It was hard to imagine them having a job!
We left after just a few hours at the show, it was past nap time and the kids were done. If we go again next year, the kids might be big enough to wear ear plugs, skip a nap and enjoy it a little more.

I"m not as dumb as I sound or spell

I blame some of my grammer problems on the possibility of being sightly dyslexic, some on bad habits and the rest on Mary Poppins. My husband is frequently correcting me, I often say things a little off or just plane old wrong.

I take little pride in the fact that I don't say libary(library) or axed (asked), I should know better. But my current issue isn't much better...chimney. I pronounce it as chimeney.

Click here to listen to Dick Van Dyke sing "Chim Chimn cher-ee" and see where it all began to go down hill for me!

But it's not all hopeless. Keep me away from Disney movies and I may get chimney yet. With time and hard work I have already stopped saying salza (salsa), Berzil (Brazil) and many other odd pronunciations.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

I was looking on u-tube for music to play to the kids and I came across clips from the movie! I had completely forgotten that the redheaded brothers also wear the colors of the rainbow! What a girls dream come true. No wonder I loved it!
click here to see them singing and dancing

Time to face it, I'm not at summer camp

We just hit the one year anniversary in our house and I can't believe how fast the time has passed. For the past year, I felt like I was only staying a while, on a long visit; my real life and friends were waiting back in California. I still refer to California as home.
But, with the passing of a year, I realize that we are here for an unknown length of time. The people I am spending time with, could become long term friends. That Georgia might become the place my children call home and think of when they remember their childhood.
I feel that if I accept this place as my home, I would be letting go of something. I sense a loss of things I hold dear. And I guess in reality, I have already lost, and I am just taking the time to reflect. I have lost a year with my friends. A year of dinners, BBQ parties, book clubs, lunches.
And I can hear those glass half full people talking about what I have gained. Time with family, seeing new places, hiking and camping trips, new friends. But I've never liked those happy, positive people!
So perhaps it's time to plan a trip out to visit the people and places I miss. While I may need to realize I'm not on an extended vacation, I'm not willing to loose what I left behind.

My kind of camping

This weekend we went to the FDR State park, and stayed in a cottage. Back in the 1930's FDR's New Deal put men to work, and the park, cottages and lake are still around from those efforts.
The cottage was the perfect amount historic, rustic and functionable. It had a great smokey smell, a large stone fireplace, two beds, bath and kitchen. It was so easy to be there with the kids, that I could imagine going again.
I just wonder why they don't have places like it in California. Even in Yosemite, you don't get a screened porch with rocking chairs!

Chicken Mole

The weather is turning cooler, so we are using the crock pot more. I have made a basic French soup pot roast a few times and it's turned out OK. I'm not a big fan of wet meat, so I have to find that fine balance between roast and stew.
Yesterday I decided to venture out to a new recipe, Chicken Mole. Wayne tried to make it once and it was so spicy that it burned our eyes and nose while cooking and we never tasted it. My version was a safe recipe, and it was decent, but certainly nothing to win an award.
In the past, I never liked cooking much. I just thought of it as a means to an end. But, the more I experiment beyond shake-n-bake and frozen veggies, the more I enjoy the process.
Maybe someday I'll even be remembered for my perfect Chicken Mole.