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Since I have had kids, I have found shopping nearly impossible and quite trying for my little patience and fragile sanity. So, to avoid the funny farm, I have become an online shopper. Now it seems that every vendor I have purchased from has added me to their marketing list. I know I check that "do not e-mail me" box, but I still get endless emails each day. It bothers me when companies I have given money to clutter up my in box.

So, I have gone through and unsubscribed to as many as I could. I hope that it works and soon I will just have messages from friends and loved ones filling my box.

If not, I will have to break down and get a shopping email address. I know that many people have multiple emails, one for the major spam, one for minor spam, and one for spam free uses. I was hoping to avoid such a life!

Naked Trees

The leaves are on the ground
the branches are bare
Through the naked limbs
a lonely nest balances
high above

(my words, Williams thoughts)

Why did I care

Yesterday I learned that Deanna and Jesse broke up. I was in disbeief. Not Deanna and Jesse! I wanted them together! They can't break up. But, after a little internet searching, I found that it was in fact true.
Deanna was the most recent Bachlorette. She was looking for marriage and a serious relationship, and she picked a long haired snow boarder. I loved her pick. I thought he'd keep life fun.
But now it's over. There will be no May wedding...which would have certainly been broadcasted.
Instead here is Jesse's sad youtube speach. It's all so tradgic.

Floating away

The past week or two, I had become a crazy, grumpy, lunatic of a wife and mother. My husband realized that I really needed a restful vacation, and took me away to a wonderful resort last weekend.
The resort had views of a quite lake and several acres of forest. We took walks, had wine and dinner while looking out on the water and watching the sun set, and I took naps in our sunny suite.
But more than anything, I enjoyed the spa. I floated in the large heated pool and soaked in the hot tub until I was a prune. I steamed in the steam room and took the longest of showers. I was water logged, but I loved it!
When I am away from my children, I miss them terribly. But I relish the time to recoup my energies, refocus, and come back to them a happier mom.
Everyone should try to find even a few hours to escape and float.

Why is there a giraffe on my pillow

In the middle of the night I awoke and could not move. I was sandwiched between child number one and child number two. I contemplated squeezing out and finding a roomier place to sleep on the sofa, but as I shifted, child number 1 woke up. Eyes still closed, he grasped at an imaginary cow teet and pulling on it, he cried out milk, milk, milk. Mama, milk, milk, milk. After what felt like an eternity, but was probably a few minutes, I could not take it any longer. I pried myself out and stumbled down the stairs to get the boy his milk.

When I returned, he had shifted over and was now in my spot. And beside him, on my pillow was his stuffed giraffe. Both were sound asleep.

I shoved him, probably a little to hard, to wake him up. He had insisted on the milk, he was going to get it! I moved him back to the side, and lowered myself into my small spot in the middle.

This morning I woke up tired, like I hadn't slept much. And I promised myself that I would keep the kids out of the bed! And I'll stick to that, just as soon as I have the energy.

A Weekend Away

Wayne and I have been talking about a weekend away.

My mom is willing to watch the kids for one night(she isn't ready to take on two nights) so we can go anywhere that makes sense in a 36 hour time frame.

Initially I was excited about going away and I still love the idea of a nights sleep without my slapping, kicking, pillow hogging snuggle bunnies. But, Wayne's ideas of where to go gives me some stress.

He has such grand ideas and tastes. When I think about my mommy wardrobe, I get insecure and feel like I would under dressed and out of place. I like some of my clothes, and have even come to terms with my style, but that doesn't translate to my idea of what one wears to the places he's picking.

It's hard being insecure, it can really get in the way of having a good time. I sure hope that one day I outgrow it and am confident.

For now, I guess I'll have to just do my best and fake it.

Brain Dead

It's only Monday and I need a break! I feel like I haven't slept in days, and last night was a good night. The kids didn't wake me up till 5 am.

Last week my friend Ane came to visit and I had the best of times. We didn't do anything special, she just came to hang out and become a part of my life. Thursday, we got to looking at her wedding photos, and over the course a few hours time finished off a bottle of wine.

I don't drink like that any more, and my head was spinning. And it kept spinning, or rather hurting, all day Friday. I am certain I had a hang over, my first in years!

And while it's been days since then, I feel like I haven't recovered from that night. I just can't seem think quickly or clearly. My brain is getting old, the few good cells that I have left suffered and are taking much longer to recover.

I'll have to be careful how much I drink in the future or the damage might be permanent.