Clear packing tapes important role in literacy

Board books are made to be tough, to stand up to a toddler. But books in my house get read a lot. They also get tossed about, stepped on, thrown in the tub, chewed up, and riped.
I have become a book repair woman. I have learned how to rebind, re-glue, air dry and tape together books that have become mere pages of pulp. A book is precious to me, I feel the need to bring it back to life.
Our books are well loved.
That's a good thing.

Leaves, shadows and an age of reason

Wynn just turned 18 months old. It seems like the day she turned one and a half, tons of tiny circuits got connected in her brain and over night she changed from a cute, sweet baby into a very stubborn, determined kid.
NO! is a constant part of her vocabulary. She will not eat things she used to love, maybe just so she can say NO! and mean it.
In contrast to all that confidence, she has become afraid of certain things. Mostly they seem to be outside things. Recently as the wind rustled the leaves and as they swept past her, she let out a high pitch scream of terror.
Today we played at the park. It was a nice sunny day. But her shadow kept scaring her and making her quite mad. She would try to push and shove it away, run from it, hide from it. But it was always there.
In contrast, William is now starting to leave the terrible two stage. We still have a few months until he is 3, but his vocabulary and thoughts have progressed to a point where a conversation is possible. There is some reasoning, and unless he is exhausted, he is a great kid.
Time passes so quickly. Now that William is nearly past the age of insanity, I can sense how close I am to to then end of this stage. And while I relish the idea of big kids with words, and bladder control, I know I will miss my babies.

Happy things will come

I feel like sorrow is hanging on me, a drab gray dress.
I learned today that a good friend ended a relationship. It was for the best. It was a dead end and now she will be able to start on a path to a place she'd rather be. But being for the best doesn't remove the ache, the loneliness and the fear.

I feel all those things for her.

I admire her strength to leave. Her courage to head towards something scary and new rather than stay in a place that was a slow death of hopes and dreams.
In the early days of being alone, I hope she remembers her beauty, her good heart, and that she is a great friend.

I hope that she will live a happy life and happy things will come.

Lights and Luminaries

Sunday evening my neighborhood had a lights and luminaries parade.

Earlier in the day, thousands of white bags where set out along the road. At dusk everyone went out and lit the tea light candles inside. The streets glowed.

We all gathered at the clubhouse, the golf carts lined up for the parade. The air vibrated with the noise of kids, laughing and running around on a coco and sugar cookie high. Finally everyone climbed into their golf carts and the parade began.

A procession of over thirty golf carts winded along the streets, pausing at homes with extensive decorations or a Santa waving from the drive way.

It's a dreamlike experience, to be in a parade of golf carts, driving down candle lit roads. It's why we moved here. To give our children and enchanted childhood.

Sudoko

In my list of additions, Sudoku should be added. Each night, before I go to bed, I want to complete at least one problem. Lately I have progressed from the medium level to the harder problems at the back of the book. The harder ones don't have the standard grid....and it makes me think outside the box.
I know it's time to turn off the light when I find that I have three 9's in one area.

Lost Friends

In the quite times, when the kids are asleep, I sometimes think about my past and wonder what has become of the people I once called friends.
Some people, though not many, have left my life because of a disagreement or hurt feelings. Those relationships are somehow easier to to think about; there was a clear moment when it ended.
But most friends that I have lost just floated away. They moved, I moved, e-mail addresses changed, last names changed...and they are gone. I can't find them. I have done some searching but I can't find them.
It saddens me that my life, my history, was shaped by people who are now only memories.
I hate letting go.

Haiku to the Blow dryer

Blow dryer, it's love
Your hum drowns out Wills whining
and dries my hair too

Trouble

Sometimes I worry that Wynn is going to be trouble, with a capital T. She is only 1 1/2, and she is more girl than I ever was. She has sass and attitude and knows what she wants. But, Wayne won't let her date until she'd 30, so I guess I don't have too much to worry about.

Belong

Today I had a great cup of coffee. I met with a friend who is studying to become a nutritionist. She had wanted some practice, so I volunteered to have her review my family's menu and help us make better food choices. After we talked about nutrition and kids, we got to religion.

She had wanted her kids to grow up in a community of compassion, love, peace, so she had done some church shopping. In her searching, she found that most of the churches preach a narrow minded vision, with rejection of any choice outside a small box. Although she didn't find a church or true community, she found that Buddhism was the best fit for her and her family.

I have been struggling with some of those same issues. I could never accept the damnation of so many, that there is only one way to be a good person and live a good life. But I want to belong to a group, a community of like minded souls with shared values.

The conversation today gave me hope. I may not find what I'm looking for at the church on the corner, or the one next door to that, but I feel more confident that it's out there.

Don't worry

Happiness is not found in things. It is not more or less present when you have more money, a bigger house, a faster car. I have so much, and while I'm grateful to be in this place, it doesn't fill my heart with glee.
For me, shiny, giddy happiness has always been a little elusive. I always envied those girls who seemed to bubble and bounce, while I trodded along.
In college I drank, hoping that if I killed a few brain cells, I would lose the parts that wallowed a little to long. That didn't work!
I know now that I am never going to be a firecracker or cheerleader. But exercise, good friends, and quite time to meditate are what keep me as happy as I can be. Sometimes, I don't get enough of any of those things and I"m less content with everything.
My husband is one the strongest, hardest working people I know. After working all night and well into the next day, he still has good humor and a song. He constantly inspires me to be a little more patient, a little less grumpy, and to try harder. And to keep singing until I smile.

Sometimes I just need to sing and be happy

The Grinch

I have been possessed by the Grinch. My heart is now 2 sizes to small. I just feel crabby and grumpy, and really lacking in the loving, giving, sharing holiday spirit.
My house is decorated, with a beautiful tree, lights, and garland above the fireplace. The weather has turned cold outside, so we have been having warm fires and candle light. But, I'm just blah!
It's probably a lack of good sleep, less than the desired amount of exercise, and a diet of carbs and sugar.
Since it had gotten cold, it's hard to take a morning walk. I know I can bundle the kids up, but it takes so much effort. I just find myself pouring another cup of coffee and eating.
I haven't taken the kids to the gym childcare in almost a year. The last several times we went, I didn't get to exercise because they both screamed and screamed. It is probably time for me to take them again, so I can get in some winter exercise and shake this foul mood.
And, if I exercise, I can eat all the cakes and cookies of the season with less guilt.

Unsubscribe

Since I have had kids, I have found shopping nearly impossible and quite trying for my little patience and fragile sanity. So, to avoid the funny farm, I have become an online shopper. Now it seems that every vendor I have purchased from has added me to their marketing list. I know I check that "do not e-mail me" box, but I still get endless emails each day. It bothers me when companies I have given money to clutter up my in box.

So, I have gone through and unsubscribed to as many as I could. I hope that it works and soon I will just have messages from friends and loved ones filling my box.

If not, I will have to break down and get a shopping email address. I know that many people have multiple emails, one for the major spam, one for minor spam, and one for spam free uses. I was hoping to avoid such a life!

Naked Trees

The leaves are on the ground
the branches are bare
Through the naked limbs
a lonely nest balances
high above

(my words, Williams thoughts)

Why did I care

Yesterday I learned that Deanna and Jesse broke up. I was in disbeief. Not Deanna and Jesse! I wanted them together! They can't break up. But, after a little internet searching, I found that it was in fact true.
Deanna was the most recent Bachlorette. She was looking for marriage and a serious relationship, and she picked a long haired snow boarder. I loved her pick. I thought he'd keep life fun.
But now it's over. There will be no May wedding...which would have certainly been broadcasted.
Instead here is Jesse's sad youtube speach. It's all so tradgic.

Floating away

The past week or two, I had become a crazy, grumpy, lunatic of a wife and mother. My husband realized that I really needed a restful vacation, and took me away to a wonderful resort last weekend.
The resort had views of a quite lake and several acres of forest. We took walks, had wine and dinner while looking out on the water and watching the sun set, and I took naps in our sunny suite.
But more than anything, I enjoyed the spa. I floated in the large heated pool and soaked in the hot tub until I was a prune. I steamed in the steam room and took the longest of showers. I was water logged, but I loved it!
When I am away from my children, I miss them terribly. But I relish the time to recoup my energies, refocus, and come back to them a happier mom.
Everyone should try to find even a few hours to escape and float.

Why is there a giraffe on my pillow

In the middle of the night I awoke and could not move. I was sandwiched between child number one and child number two. I contemplated squeezing out and finding a roomier place to sleep on the sofa, but as I shifted, child number 1 woke up. Eyes still closed, he grasped at an imaginary cow teet and pulling on it, he cried out milk, milk, milk. Mama, milk, milk, milk. After what felt like an eternity, but was probably a few minutes, I could not take it any longer. I pried myself out and stumbled down the stairs to get the boy his milk.

When I returned, he had shifted over and was now in my spot. And beside him, on my pillow was his stuffed giraffe. Both were sound asleep.

I shoved him, probably a little to hard, to wake him up. He had insisted on the milk, he was going to get it! I moved him back to the side, and lowered myself into my small spot in the middle.

This morning I woke up tired, like I hadn't slept much. And I promised myself that I would keep the kids out of the bed! And I'll stick to that, just as soon as I have the energy.

A Weekend Away

Wayne and I have been talking about a weekend away.

My mom is willing to watch the kids for one night(she isn't ready to take on two nights) so we can go anywhere that makes sense in a 36 hour time frame.

Initially I was excited about going away and I still love the idea of a nights sleep without my slapping, kicking, pillow hogging snuggle bunnies. But, Wayne's ideas of where to go gives me some stress.

He has such grand ideas and tastes. When I think about my mommy wardrobe, I get insecure and feel like I would under dressed and out of place. I like some of my clothes, and have even come to terms with my style, but that doesn't translate to my idea of what one wears to the places he's picking.

It's hard being insecure, it can really get in the way of having a good time. I sure hope that one day I outgrow it and am confident.

For now, I guess I'll have to just do my best and fake it.

Brain Dead

It's only Monday and I need a break! I feel like I haven't slept in days, and last night was a good night. The kids didn't wake me up till 5 am.

Last week my friend Ane came to visit and I had the best of times. We didn't do anything special, she just came to hang out and become a part of my life. Thursday, we got to looking at her wedding photos, and over the course a few hours time finished off a bottle of wine.

I don't drink like that any more, and my head was spinning. And it kept spinning, or rather hurting, all day Friday. I am certain I had a hang over, my first in years!

And while it's been days since then, I feel like I haven't recovered from that night. I just can't seem think quickly or clearly. My brain is getting old, the few good cells that I have left suffered and are taking much longer to recover.

I'll have to be careful how much I drink in the future or the damage might be permanent.

Alone in the car

The kids are always in the car with me, so I'm usually listening to the DVD playing a movie or some happy voice singing about ducks and cows. Today I was blissfully alone and I took advantage of the time to see what was on the radio these days.
I stopped when I heard a voice that reminded of James Blunt, but the song was too much rock to be him. I listened and heard a song that brought back memories of my life before Wayne.
For so many years my heart ached and I was almost comfortable in my constant state of turmoil. I loved the wrong people and my heart was always shattered. It's been a while since I've thought of those years.

Have a listen to O.A.R. Shattered.

Burr

The weather has turned cold (for Georgia) 30's at night and 50's during the day. Yesterday there was a bitter wind, so we stayed inside all day. We are outside people, so as soon as we rose this morning, the kids and I were gazing longingly out the windows. We waited a few hours until the day had warmed, then we bundled up and headed outside. We pushed trucks, rode bikes, raked up leaves then ran through them, and marched around with sticks...we were free. We stayed outside until William let me know that he had gone pee pee. He'll usually go on playing and not tell me (and maybe I don't ask because I'm having too much fun myself) but wet pants on a cold day was just too much for him to endure! The forecast looks good, warmer for the next several days. I don't know how people make it through freezing winters with little kids. I'd go crazy long before the snow had melted.

Hungry!

For the past two months I have been hungry! Hungry with a strong insatiable craving for things.
Every night, around 9 pm, I want an English muffin with marmalade jam. I keep an extra package or two of muffins in the freezer so I won't run out. And if I have to use a different jam, I'm just not as satisfied.
Last month, I bought cookie dough to bake with the kids, but instead I ate it. Not all at once, but slowly, a few chunks at at time. When it was gone I felt guilty, and I knew I shouldn't be eating raw dough, but really I just wanted to more. I am refraining from buying more, but I pause to ogle the dough when I pass by at the grocery store.
Now we have Halloween candy up in the cabinet. I left the bags closed until today. I shouldn't have opened them, but the crackle bars were calling out to me. Now I've sampled enough to be a little sick.
I don't know what has overcome me. I loved being thin over the summer. I would walk a mile a day, and I ate well. Clothes fit when I am in shape and I feel better about myself.
So, I'm going to have to kick the junk food habit and set some limits.
Starting tomorrow.

Completely Dependent

Our Internet went down in the middle of a Skype call to Grandma Irene. My kitty and monkey were trashing the play room, tossing toys up into the air, dancing on their books, and singing wheels on the bus to Grandma. Then, out of the blue our call was dropped. Of course my first instinct was to blame the kids...what did you touch?!? Then I thought it must be Irene's connection or maybe Skype. But, in the end, after fiddling around for a while, I found it was our Internet.
Down, down down...for over a day!
I was grumpy the rest of Saturday and much of today. I couldn't check emails, our bank account, or write a blog. And then I got the news, we were up! I couldn't wait for the kid's bed time, so I could get reconnected; balance things in Quicken, catch up with friends, see new photos...and write this.

Waiting up

This evening, I should be sleeping and giving my body a rest so it can fight off this cold. Instead I am sitting up watching a stupid movie and typing this blog. Wayne went to New York today, and since I don't sleep well without him, I have two options.
1. Stay up and wait for him to come home.
2. Crawl into bed and listen to all the sounds of the house. OK, I could also get William and have him cuddle with me. But last night he slept in his own bed all night, and it was so nice to have my own pillow.

Why is that no matter how tired, I fight going to bed. But when I finally lie down, it feels like heaven. And I hate getting up? Hum, in typing that, I think I should go to bed now....I can always record this movie for some other late night insomnia.

Good night.

Watching the W's

Last night while I cooked dinner, Wayne took William and Wynn outside to play. From time to time I would look outside and all three would be busy in a task. Wynn was dancing on the stepping stones, William was in a hole with his red shovel, Wayne was swinging at imaginary golf balls.
Today Wynn is napping and daddy and William are outside again. The wind is blowing leaves from the trees and the wind chimes are singing a loud song. I can hear William's laughter, carried to me by the breeze, and they just walked by, William tight in daddy's arms.
It was joyful to watch my family enjoying each other.

Hayrides, pony rides and pumpkins

I love fall! Now that we have been here a year, we are really trying to take advantage of all the fall activities that go on around us.
Last weekend we went to Country Junction Farms. For $7, we got to pet farm animals, take a pony ride (only the little ones) go for a hay ride, and pick a small pumpkin!
We had a blast! It was my first hay ride...the tractor fumes weren't quite as romantic as the horses of my imagination.

Losing it

Sometimes William (and occasionally Wynn) can really push my buttons. It's usually when I'm already tired, at the end of a long day that started too early. He will be tired too and will not listen. But, he will do something, almost anything, that makes me angry. Instead of being a calm parent, I raise my voice and stomp around.
I've read enough parenting books to know that losing my temper is the worst way to parent. That it is through calmness they learn to make better decisions on their own.
So, I am gong to try to count to 10 before I react. Maybe I'll keep a journal of things that really get me going, so that I can find ways to avoid certain situations.
I want to be a good mom and as calm as possible.

Project Runway and the final debate

Oh, how I love my DVR. Tonight I watched the final three ladies of project runway as they showed their collection at Bryant Park. I judged as the models pranced down the runway and was pleased when Leanne, my pick, won!
And, once it was over, I went to my recording of the debates and listened to Obama and McCain dish it out. Now I just have to wait 3 weeks to see if my pick wins again!

Now that I'm gone

I knew that California had it's advantages, the weather, the ocean, but having always lived there, I couldn't really see what I had. Now that I've been here for a year, I truly appreciate that in California you can be anyone, from any where, with any god or none at all.
Almost every time I meet someone new, they want to know which church I go to. 34 years in California and I was never asked. I never felt like I had to explain or even think about how my choices may effect the possibility of becoming friends with someone.
In California, diversity was a norm. Here is seems that while slight variations are possible, you can be a Baptist or a Presbyterian, you shouldn't get too far away from center.
I love the diversity of Ca and the people that I know there. I hope that in time it will spread and people will become more aware and open, willing to see that we each find our purpose and direction in our own way.

Georgia Airshow

Yesterday we went to the Georgia Airshow. We had to park the car a distance away and take a school bus over. William thought it was so exciting to be inside a school bus, it was probably his favorite part of the day.
There were planes and helicopters on the ground, which we could look at and even get inside a few. William sat inside a Blackhawk with the helmet on! Wynn was so excited and kept pointing at the planes and wanted to run and touch them, even when they were on the other side of a barrier.
Once the show started, the kids were a little overwhelmed by the noise. They liked the older planes, but the fighter jet was too much for them.
We went over to a park that is at the air field, and the kids had much more fun playing on the swings and slide. At the park there was a group of military personnel, kids just out of high school, playing Frisbee. It was hard to imagine them in Iraq facing danger. It was hard to imagine them having a job!
We left after just a few hours at the show, it was past nap time and the kids were done. If we go again next year, the kids might be big enough to wear ear plugs, skip a nap and enjoy it a little more.

I"m not as dumb as I sound or spell

I blame some of my grammer problems on the possibility of being sightly dyslexic, some on bad habits and the rest on Mary Poppins. My husband is frequently correcting me, I often say things a little off or just plane old wrong.

I take little pride in the fact that I don't say libary(library) or axed (asked), I should know better. But my current issue isn't much better...chimney. I pronounce it as chimeney.

Click here to listen to Dick Van Dyke sing "Chim Chimn cher-ee" and see where it all began to go down hill for me!

But it's not all hopeless. Keep me away from Disney movies and I may get chimney yet. With time and hard work I have already stopped saying salza (salsa), Berzil (Brazil) and many other odd pronunciations.

Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

I was looking on u-tube for music to play to the kids and I came across clips from the movie! I had completely forgotten that the redheaded brothers also wear the colors of the rainbow! What a girls dream come true. No wonder I loved it!
click here to see them singing and dancing

Time to face it, I'm not at summer camp

We just hit the one year anniversary in our house and I can't believe how fast the time has passed. For the past year, I felt like I was only staying a while, on a long visit; my real life and friends were waiting back in California. I still refer to California as home.
But, with the passing of a year, I realize that we are here for an unknown length of time. The people I am spending time with, could become long term friends. That Georgia might become the place my children call home and think of when they remember their childhood.
I feel that if I accept this place as my home, I would be letting go of something. I sense a loss of things I hold dear. And I guess in reality, I have already lost, and I am just taking the time to reflect. I have lost a year with my friends. A year of dinners, BBQ parties, book clubs, lunches.
And I can hear those glass half full people talking about what I have gained. Time with family, seeing new places, hiking and camping trips, new friends. But I've never liked those happy, positive people!
So perhaps it's time to plan a trip out to visit the people and places I miss. While I may need to realize I'm not on an extended vacation, I'm not willing to loose what I left behind.

My kind of camping

This weekend we went to the FDR State park, and stayed in a cottage. Back in the 1930's FDR's New Deal put men to work, and the park, cottages and lake are still around from those efforts.
The cottage was the perfect amount historic, rustic and functionable. It had a great smokey smell, a large stone fireplace, two beds, bath and kitchen. It was so easy to be there with the kids, that I could imagine going again.
I just wonder why they don't have places like it in California. Even in Yosemite, you don't get a screened porch with rocking chairs!

Chicken Mole

The weather is turning cooler, so we are using the crock pot more. I have made a basic French soup pot roast a few times and it's turned out OK. I'm not a big fan of wet meat, so I have to find that fine balance between roast and stew.
Yesterday I decided to venture out to a new recipe, Chicken Mole. Wayne tried to make it once and it was so spicy that it burned our eyes and nose while cooking and we never tasted it. My version was a safe recipe, and it was decent, but certainly nothing to win an award.
In the past, I never liked cooking much. I just thought of it as a means to an end. But, the more I experiment beyond shake-n-bake and frozen veggies, the more I enjoy the process.
Maybe someday I'll even be remembered for my perfect Chicken Mole.

My kind of meditation

Today I started quilting again. I walked back and forth in front of the fabrics at the store, looking at all the blues and greens, trying to find just the right ones. When I got home, I couldn't wait for the kids to get to sleep, I wanted to cut and arrange the colors and shapes.
By 6 pm I was up to my elbows in fabric and I joyfully worked for two hours. When quilting, I get into a peaceful zone, my mind clears of stress and I relax. The time passes so quickly.
At 8 I stopped because there was a new episode of House, but I'm excited to get back to it tomorrow. I have a new sewing machine to pull out of the box, set up, and start putting it all together.
It's been over two years since I've worked on something. Two years that have been consumed with babies. Finally they are sleeping through the night and I have time to myself. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time.

A real life fireman

Today, one of my mom's groups (I belong to four) arranged for a trip to the local firehouse. I have always wanted to go on a firehouse tour, so I was pretty excited, and hoped that the kids would have a good time.
William was painfully shy. He peaked around my legs as the fireman put on the gear and demonstrated how the face mask worked. He hung back and was last to sit inside the fire truck, all the while very serious. When it came time to hold the hose, I had to push him forward. It was a little like torture, he didn't smile or seem to enjoy himself.
When it was all over and we go into the car to leave, he said "back." He wanted to go back, see the man, look at the truck. He talked about the siren and man all the way home.
My son is so much like me. He has so much fear and anxiety inside of him, that he doesn't enjoy the moment. But upon reflection, he finds so much good to remember.
And so I keep taking him to new things, so that maybe he will get past himself and enjoy the moment more and more.
Wynn, on the other had, was all smiles. She loved the truck, the hose, and wanted to run around. She dances to an entirely different song. It's a great song, I think she'll be teaching me things soon.

Not as I had planned

Today was rather uneventful and a little disappointing. I had hoped to make it to the Coweta County Fair. From what I've heard, the fair is nothing too exciting, but fried Oreo's, funnel cakes, and hot dogs on a stick are always worth looking forward too. But, alas, it wasn't in the stars. Instead, we needed to run errands.
While I sometimes almost enjoy shopping, I find it depressing to use a precious, sunny, Saturday, going up and down the aisles of Walmart. There is a funny, plastic, chemical smell in Walmart, and it seems to get stronger as William tosses things out of the cart, Wynn drops my phone, my keys are covered in slobber and Wayne is no where to be found.
After Walmart, William volunteered to go with me to Publix (our local grocery store) while Wynn played with daddy. When I arrived home, Wynn had pooped through her diaper into her pants, she was thirsty, hungry, and screaming mad that I had left her behind. While I tried to put away the groceries, clean up my baby girl and find food to keep her happy, William melted down and started screaming. Oh, the joyous sound of two children crying!
But, eventually my day with my children ended. They took their bath, drank their milk, and curled up with blankies and pacifiers. And I was able to go sit outside by our fire pit, watch the red embers glow, and listen to the bugs sing their night songs. And while I sat there, I looked up at the windows, and missed their busy, crazy, lovable energy.

Pee Pee in the potty

William has been potty training since April. I didn't realize that potty training would take quite so long. I thought that maybe a month or two, and then we'd have only an accident now and then. But it's 6 months later, and there is an accident daily. I do laundry constantly and I'm happy when he just wets his clothes, rather than the floor too.
We make a big deal out his success. We will jump up and down and say Yeah!, and he gets a treat, sticker, or some tv time when he's consistent.
Wynn has been watching and learning. She will crawl over to to the little potty, sit on it, and cheer, yeah!
Today I decided to let her run around naked before bath time. We have had so much pee pee on the carpet, I figured what harm could a little more do. We're having it steam cleaned soon, so better now than later.
Well, after about a minute of playing, she ran over to the potty, sat down, and peed. She's only 15 months old, so it was pretty amazing to me. Of course she proceeded to put her hand in the pee pee in an attempt to play with it, but for one brief second my baby girl had grown up!
While I'm in no hurry for my kids to grow up, I had a moment of excitement, thinking about a life free a diapers, diaper bags, diaper wipes, diaper genies! Oh the freedom! I can see the light, I will carry a purse again.

I've got gas

The Gulf of Mexico was hard hit by hurricanes Gustav and Ike. Refineries were closed, damaged or unable to operate. Without the gas from these refineries, Georgia was left in a gas crisis.
Over the weekend, many gas stations were completely out of gas, and those that did have gas also had long lines out into the highway. We still had a 1/4 tank, so we drove by, hoping that things would get better.
Yesterday, even more stations were out and people waited hours to fill up. I made sure I didn't drive far from home.
This morning, with about 3 gallons till empty, I found that many gas stations had put back up their price signs. Not all grades were available, but I was able to fill up. I breathed a little easier as I drove about town, knowing that I didn't have to fear the red fuel light any longer.
I don't remember the 70's fuel crisis, but it was a little scary to not know when gas would be available. It makes me feel vulnerable, how easily our lives could be altered and effected by resources that come from great distances.
My next car is going to be a hybrid! And maybe I"m going to start a farm and making my own clothes too! Hum, maybe that's taking it too far.

The odd thoughts of a mom at 2 am

Wynn could not sleep last night. Every hour or so, she would wake up and cry in her crib. I sat on her floor and sang Twinkle Twinkle a few times, but finally, around midnight, I just pulled her into my bed.
Since she was born, Wynn has always slept best when she is on top of me. She likes to get her head up under my chin, her body just snuggling in. I don't sleep well with a 20lb heater on top of me, but at least I'm not singing on the floor.
Last night, as I lie there, warm, slightly uncomfortable, and listening to her suck her thumb, I had an odd thought. I wondered if she was going to want to sleep on her husband/boyfriends chest when she grew up.
I'm constantly wondering how much I'm effecting these little people and how much what we are as children remains constant. If I wasn't so responsible, I would enjoy the experience of watching them develop so much more!

Exactly how many balls do you have up there?

Hum, maybe 20. I don't know, I've lost track. But I can't stop now or I'm going to drop one, and you know that one of those things flying in my head, I mean above my head, is the baby.
When are you going to stop juggling?
When the kids are potty trained. When they start school. When they move out. When I'm skinny enough, smart enough and have enough money. OK, when I'm dead.
So you like it, having all that up there?
Like it? I hate it. I love it. I'm going crazy all the time, but without things to stress me out, overwhelm me, I'd be bored.
Couldn't you just have 3 or 4 balls? Why so many?
I just kept getting more and more, until I lost count. And I haven't figured out how to put down a few balls, without dropping them all.
Let me know if you figure out the secret.

The Georgia 4 way

Georgia is certainly the south. Not only is it assumed that you are a Christian Republican, a banana is yella, and ya'll is both singular and plural, but they drive differently here too.
When you come to a four way stop, everyone just sits around, no one taking the initiative to go. Regardless of the traffic rules, who got there first, or any other type of logic you may try to apply, people in Georgia are just not in a hurry to leave a 4 way intersection.
Eventually someone will wave to a person to go on first, which irritates me to no ends, because it almost never follows the rules. Maybe they are just too nice for this California girl, but I just wish they'd hurry up and get going.

Too Early

Tonight William cried for his pacifier "papa" at 4:30. He barely made it through dinner, we streched out bath time, yet he fell asleep before Wayne could finish one story in the Curious George Book. Both kids were out before 6pm.
This would seem like a glorious thing. The several hours of freedom to drink a nice glass of white wine while eating dinner. And really, it was.
But they only sleep 12 or so hours. This means that by 6 am, I will have too kids bouncing on the bed. And I'm still up at 10:30.
Someday I'll learn to go to bed early too. Or they'll learn to love waisting time and stay up.

The soundtrack of my life

In a good movie or TV show, the music that plays during key moments, helps to move you emotionally through the moment.
When I was a little girl, I loved musicals. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers was one of my favorites. Who could not love seven handsome redheaded brothers, named in alphabetical order (Abe, Ben, Caleb...) who sing and dance their way through courtship.
I wish I had someone picking music and playing it in the background of my life. Maybe the people around me would be better dialed into my moods, thoughts and the direction life was going.
Right now something sleepy and relaxing would be playing.

Fall

While I love summer, I am ready for fall. The thoughts of early nights, crisp air, and fires blazing, make me nearly giddy. I can almost taste the hot cider, smell the smoke in the air and feel the itchy wool sweater.
I'm so ready for fall that I have already purchased my kids Halloween costumes; a monkey and a kitty. It's still too warm for them to wear them, but I have given in a time or two, when the meows and monkey calls just get too loud to ignore.
Here in Georgia it's still in the 80s, sticky and buggy. Last night I killed a scorpion that was hiding behind my toilet. Yes, I was freaked out, but Wayne wasn't here to do his manly duty of bug removal. When the weather turns cold, the bugs disappear, both inside and out.
And when it's dark outside, it's easier to lie to the kids about bedtime. They may not know how to tell time, but when the neighborhood kids are riding bikes outside, they know they are getting gypped.
This fall I'm planning on finding some "me" time. I have a large Jacuzzi tub that I didn't use much last year, so I'm hoping to read a few good books while soaking up the bubbles. I'll be there as soon as it's darker, colder and I stop finding new House episodes on my dvr.

Choo Choo Zoo

Today was the first time I took the kids on an adventure without someone else coming along to help. They woke up this morning bouncing on the bed with energy, so I decided we'd go to the zoo.
We had a great time. They were so easy, full of smiles and wonder. We sat and had our lunch in the quite shade of the tiger exhibit. While the park was busy, we were often alone, watching the tiger pace and pant on the other side of the glass.
They loved the little train ride, singing choo choo for the rest of the day. They had their first ride on a carousel, on a cougar and rhino. (What happened to horses?) and they got to brush the fur of goats. It was warm, so many of the animals were sleeping in the shade and hard to find, but the otters and elephants put on quite a show.
William came down with a fever, so we had to leave before we saw everything. They both slept hard on the drive home and we had a sleepy, Tylenol and TV afternoon.
Having such a fun day makes me so excited about the years to come. I am almost past the baby stage and into the part of their life where we can have fun adventures!

Living Without

Wayne is away at a conference. Without him, I do not sleep well, eat as well, or feel complete. He is nearly my emotional polar opposite, so when I'm spinning out in some crazy mood or losing my sense of direction, he is always patient, always able to give me a different perspective. He gives me calmness when I can't find any within myself.
While I only have to go without for a few days now and then, there are many woman who have men who are away constantly, or are single moms. I can't imagine the amount of exhaustion they must carry around every day, all day long.
There is so much comfort in knowing I share the responsibility of my children with someone else. That when I have nothing left, Wayne can take over. And while he likes to pretend that he doesn't know what to do, I am always a little awed at his ability to sing the right song to William or show Wynn the flowers outside.
He will be home in three more days. Three more nights of doing the bedtime routine alone;getting two kids cleaned, dressed, and into bed while they are fussy, tired and impossible. Three more night of pulling the kids into bed with me so that I won't lie away listening to the floors creak. Three more.

Getting past the fear

Before any new experience, my heart races, my stomach hurts, sometimes I even get a headache from the anxiety of it all. I get like this before a big trip, a doctors appointment, even going to a party where I know everyone, will cause some stress.
I like the familiar, where it's safe and known. Being at home with my family and good friends give me a great sense of peace.
But, I get energy from new experiences. I thrive on being out in the world, seeing new sights and finding people with similar interests.
So, I push myself to get past my loudly beating heart and my belly aches. I pop two Tylenol and get on with it.
My children respond to things just like I do. They are shy, hesitant, and best when in familiar places with friendly faces. I had hoped that in some way I could encourage them to be different. That somehow my parenting could make them more outgoing. The verdict is still out on that.
So, while I don't know if they will ever be outgoing, at the very least, I hope that I can show them how to push past any hesitations and live life fully.

Addicted

I am officially addicted to House. We have our DVR set to record any House episode that shows up on any channel, so I have over 20 delightful episodes recorded. Many are from season 1, which I have never seen. I love having all the background and details.
So, instead of going to bed at a decent hour, I have been staying up to watch 2 or 3 episodes. Right now, Wayne and Cinco are snoring on the sofa next to me while House tries to figure out why a high school boy is dying. No worries, I know Dr. House will cure him.

Sit back and pray

I recently learned about a group called Mom to Mom, where you get together with other women and discuss being a mom, wife and woman. I am always interested in personal growth, so I thought it might be interesting. The girl who told me about it said that while it's related to a church, it's not too preachy.
My first meeting was last Thursday, and while it was just an introduction, I'm afraid it may not be a perfect fit. I enjoyed the leaders, most of whom have grown children and seem to have knowledge and humor to offer. I enjoyed my breakfast; fruit, cake and coffee. I even enjoyed the conversation with the women I shared a table with.
But, when the minister came up to give a little sermon, she asked for everyone to follow along in their bible. And to my surprise, many women pulled their bookmarked, high lighted and well read bibles out of their purse. I had not brought my dusty one along.
The minister was a good speaker, strong with a persuasive personality. But, despite that, I felt uninspired and sightly turned off from her message. Instead of being motivated, I felt like I should just sit back and pray for my answers. Let god and god's people show me what is right. Don't try to do anything on your own.
Maybe I misunderstood, I can do that from time to time. But I like the idea of personal strength, character, and intelligence, rather than subservience.
We'll see what next week brings.
Amen.

Beautiful Georgia

I'm not sure what I expected, but after a year of living here, I am still surprised by the beauty of the area. Once I am outside the city/suburbs, the land becomes rolling hills covered with forests. A horse farm will pop up from time to time, but it's mostly woods, lakes and ponds.
Hiking trails and parks always have beautiful lush plants and the ponds are filled with turtles.
Yesterday we went to a state park, High Falls. A pretty little waterfall and cascades flowing down granite rocks. William held my hand and Wayne carried Wynn in a carrier as we hiked down the falls to a vista. The kids are always at their best when we are outside; it's great we have such pretty places to visit within an hour of our house.
Of course we are in the south, so we shared the trail with a woman who looked to be about 25, with 4 kids, all of whom had no shoes on.

Nay Nay

We are in the process of potty training. I never knew it was going to be this hard! There are several methods, and we have tired most. Our most successful is when we allow William to be naked.
But now he likes to be naked "nay nay" most of the time and I will find him stripped down, his clothes in a ball in some corner.
Wynn does everything William does, so I'm sure at this time next year I will have two nay nay kids waving hi to the mailman as he passes our window!

Georgia animals and bugs

We live on an acre, so I'm not surprised by the deer, squirels and birds that share our land. But, there are a few things that do surprise me.
Georgia has wild turtles. We have found two cruising around and have saved them from the middle of the road. There are very loud frogs; and they like to swim in the pool at night. There are armadillo's, which I've only seen dead along the road. And there are ground digging wasps who dig deep holes in our yard. They catch cicadas for dinner. They are huge!

Oh, and did I mention the snakes?

Wynn's first pony ride

We went to a local fair this weekend and Wynn enjoyed her first pony ride. We pass horses every time we go to the grocery store; I hear neighs loudly from the back seat, so I was thrilled to finally get her on a pony.

Wynn was the present

The other day I tied back the straps of Wynn's shirt with a ribbon; it kept slipping off her shoulders. William decided that she looked like a present and sang happy birthday while untying the straps his sister's shirt.

Cream

Today William watched me put on face cream. He wanted some too. I put a little dab on his cheeks and then he ran off. A few minutes later, he came back into the bathroom with his face covered in white cream. He had gone into Wynn's room and fished out the diaper cream. He covered his entire face, hands and legs in the stuff. I guess my little dab was just not enough. Despite some scrubbing, he still has a medicine smell....but his cheeks are oh so soft!
I didn't take a photo because I was afrad he'd see me smile. I had to be very serious so he doesn't try it again.