Clear packing tapes important role in literacy

Board books are made to be tough, to stand up to a toddler. But books in my house get read a lot. They also get tossed about, stepped on, thrown in the tub, chewed up, and riped.
I have become a book repair woman. I have learned how to rebind, re-glue, air dry and tape together books that have become mere pages of pulp. A book is precious to me, I feel the need to bring it back to life.
Our books are well loved.
That's a good thing.

Leaves, shadows and an age of reason

Wynn just turned 18 months old. It seems like the day she turned one and a half, tons of tiny circuits got connected in her brain and over night she changed from a cute, sweet baby into a very stubborn, determined kid.
NO! is a constant part of her vocabulary. She will not eat things she used to love, maybe just so she can say NO! and mean it.
In contrast to all that confidence, she has become afraid of certain things. Mostly they seem to be outside things. Recently as the wind rustled the leaves and as they swept past her, she let out a high pitch scream of terror.
Today we played at the park. It was a nice sunny day. But her shadow kept scaring her and making her quite mad. She would try to push and shove it away, run from it, hide from it. But it was always there.
In contrast, William is now starting to leave the terrible two stage. We still have a few months until he is 3, but his vocabulary and thoughts have progressed to a point where a conversation is possible. There is some reasoning, and unless he is exhausted, he is a great kid.
Time passes so quickly. Now that William is nearly past the age of insanity, I can sense how close I am to to then end of this stage. And while I relish the idea of big kids with words, and bladder control, I know I will miss my babies.

Happy things will come

I feel like sorrow is hanging on me, a drab gray dress.
I learned today that a good friend ended a relationship. It was for the best. It was a dead end and now she will be able to start on a path to a place she'd rather be. But being for the best doesn't remove the ache, the loneliness and the fear.

I feel all those things for her.

I admire her strength to leave. Her courage to head towards something scary and new rather than stay in a place that was a slow death of hopes and dreams.
In the early days of being alone, I hope she remembers her beauty, her good heart, and that she is a great friend.

I hope that she will live a happy life and happy things will come.

Lights and Luminaries

Sunday evening my neighborhood had a lights and luminaries parade.

Earlier in the day, thousands of white bags where set out along the road. At dusk everyone went out and lit the tea light candles inside. The streets glowed.

We all gathered at the clubhouse, the golf carts lined up for the parade. The air vibrated with the noise of kids, laughing and running around on a coco and sugar cookie high. Finally everyone climbed into their golf carts and the parade began.

A procession of over thirty golf carts winded along the streets, pausing at homes with extensive decorations or a Santa waving from the drive way.

It's a dreamlike experience, to be in a parade of golf carts, driving down candle lit roads. It's why we moved here. To give our children and enchanted childhood.

Sudoko

In my list of additions, Sudoku should be added. Each night, before I go to bed, I want to complete at least one problem. Lately I have progressed from the medium level to the harder problems at the back of the book. The harder ones don't have the standard grid....and it makes me think outside the box.
I know it's time to turn off the light when I find that I have three 9's in one area.

Lost Friends

In the quite times, when the kids are asleep, I sometimes think about my past and wonder what has become of the people I once called friends.
Some people, though not many, have left my life because of a disagreement or hurt feelings. Those relationships are somehow easier to to think about; there was a clear moment when it ended.
But most friends that I have lost just floated away. They moved, I moved, e-mail addresses changed, last names changed...and they are gone. I can't find them. I have done some searching but I can't find them.
It saddens me that my life, my history, was shaped by people who are now only memories.
I hate letting go.

Haiku to the Blow dryer

Blow dryer, it's love
Your hum drowns out Wills whining
and dries my hair too

Trouble

Sometimes I worry that Wynn is going to be trouble, with a capital T. She is only 1 1/2, and she is more girl than I ever was. She has sass and attitude and knows what she wants. But, Wayne won't let her date until she'd 30, so I guess I don't have too much to worry about.

Belong

Today I had a great cup of coffee. I met with a friend who is studying to become a nutritionist. She had wanted some practice, so I volunteered to have her review my family's menu and help us make better food choices. After we talked about nutrition and kids, we got to religion.

She had wanted her kids to grow up in a community of compassion, love, peace, so she had done some church shopping. In her searching, she found that most of the churches preach a narrow minded vision, with rejection of any choice outside a small box. Although she didn't find a church or true community, she found that Buddhism was the best fit for her and her family.

I have been struggling with some of those same issues. I could never accept the damnation of so many, that there is only one way to be a good person and live a good life. But I want to belong to a group, a community of like minded souls with shared values.

The conversation today gave me hope. I may not find what I'm looking for at the church on the corner, or the one next door to that, but I feel more confident that it's out there.

Don't worry

Happiness is not found in things. It is not more or less present when you have more money, a bigger house, a faster car. I have so much, and while I'm grateful to be in this place, it doesn't fill my heart with glee.
For me, shiny, giddy happiness has always been a little elusive. I always envied those girls who seemed to bubble and bounce, while I trodded along.
In college I drank, hoping that if I killed a few brain cells, I would lose the parts that wallowed a little to long. That didn't work!
I know now that I am never going to be a firecracker or cheerleader. But exercise, good friends, and quite time to meditate are what keep me as happy as I can be. Sometimes, I don't get enough of any of those things and I"m less content with everything.
My husband is one the strongest, hardest working people I know. After working all night and well into the next day, he still has good humor and a song. He constantly inspires me to be a little more patient, a little less grumpy, and to try harder. And to keep singing until I smile.

Sometimes I just need to sing and be happy

The Grinch

I have been possessed by the Grinch. My heart is now 2 sizes to small. I just feel crabby and grumpy, and really lacking in the loving, giving, sharing holiday spirit.
My house is decorated, with a beautiful tree, lights, and garland above the fireplace. The weather has turned cold outside, so we have been having warm fires and candle light. But, I'm just blah!
It's probably a lack of good sleep, less than the desired amount of exercise, and a diet of carbs and sugar.
Since it had gotten cold, it's hard to take a morning walk. I know I can bundle the kids up, but it takes so much effort. I just find myself pouring another cup of coffee and eating.
I haven't taken the kids to the gym childcare in almost a year. The last several times we went, I didn't get to exercise because they both screamed and screamed. It is probably time for me to take them again, so I can get in some winter exercise and shake this foul mood.
And, if I exercise, I can eat all the cakes and cookies of the season with less guilt.