My kind of meditation

Today I started quilting again. I walked back and forth in front of the fabrics at the store, looking at all the blues and greens, trying to find just the right ones. When I got home, I couldn't wait for the kids to get to sleep, I wanted to cut and arrange the colors and shapes.
By 6 pm I was up to my elbows in fabric and I joyfully worked for two hours. When quilting, I get into a peaceful zone, my mind clears of stress and I relax. The time passes so quickly.
At 8 I stopped because there was a new episode of House, but I'm excited to get back to it tomorrow. I have a new sewing machine to pull out of the box, set up, and start putting it all together.
It's been over two years since I've worked on something. Two years that have been consumed with babies. Finally they are sleeping through the night and I have time to myself. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time.

A real life fireman

Today, one of my mom's groups (I belong to four) arranged for a trip to the local firehouse. I have always wanted to go on a firehouse tour, so I was pretty excited, and hoped that the kids would have a good time.
William was painfully shy. He peaked around my legs as the fireman put on the gear and demonstrated how the face mask worked. He hung back and was last to sit inside the fire truck, all the while very serious. When it came time to hold the hose, I had to push him forward. It was a little like torture, he didn't smile or seem to enjoy himself.
When it was all over and we go into the car to leave, he said "back." He wanted to go back, see the man, look at the truck. He talked about the siren and man all the way home.
My son is so much like me. He has so much fear and anxiety inside of him, that he doesn't enjoy the moment. But upon reflection, he finds so much good to remember.
And so I keep taking him to new things, so that maybe he will get past himself and enjoy the moment more and more.
Wynn, on the other had, was all smiles. She loved the truck, the hose, and wanted to run around. She dances to an entirely different song. It's a great song, I think she'll be teaching me things soon.

Not as I had planned

Today was rather uneventful and a little disappointing. I had hoped to make it to the Coweta County Fair. From what I've heard, the fair is nothing too exciting, but fried Oreo's, funnel cakes, and hot dogs on a stick are always worth looking forward too. But, alas, it wasn't in the stars. Instead, we needed to run errands.
While I sometimes almost enjoy shopping, I find it depressing to use a precious, sunny, Saturday, going up and down the aisles of Walmart. There is a funny, plastic, chemical smell in Walmart, and it seems to get stronger as William tosses things out of the cart, Wynn drops my phone, my keys are covered in slobber and Wayne is no where to be found.
After Walmart, William volunteered to go with me to Publix (our local grocery store) while Wynn played with daddy. When I arrived home, Wynn had pooped through her diaper into her pants, she was thirsty, hungry, and screaming mad that I had left her behind. While I tried to put away the groceries, clean up my baby girl and find food to keep her happy, William melted down and started screaming. Oh, the joyous sound of two children crying!
But, eventually my day with my children ended. They took their bath, drank their milk, and curled up with blankies and pacifiers. And I was able to go sit outside by our fire pit, watch the red embers glow, and listen to the bugs sing their night songs. And while I sat there, I looked up at the windows, and missed their busy, crazy, lovable energy.

Pee Pee in the potty

William has been potty training since April. I didn't realize that potty training would take quite so long. I thought that maybe a month or two, and then we'd have only an accident now and then. But it's 6 months later, and there is an accident daily. I do laundry constantly and I'm happy when he just wets his clothes, rather than the floor too.
We make a big deal out his success. We will jump up and down and say Yeah!, and he gets a treat, sticker, or some tv time when he's consistent.
Wynn has been watching and learning. She will crawl over to to the little potty, sit on it, and cheer, yeah!
Today I decided to let her run around naked before bath time. We have had so much pee pee on the carpet, I figured what harm could a little more do. We're having it steam cleaned soon, so better now than later.
Well, after about a minute of playing, she ran over to the potty, sat down, and peed. She's only 15 months old, so it was pretty amazing to me. Of course she proceeded to put her hand in the pee pee in an attempt to play with it, but for one brief second my baby girl had grown up!
While I'm in no hurry for my kids to grow up, I had a moment of excitement, thinking about a life free a diapers, diaper bags, diaper wipes, diaper genies! Oh the freedom! I can see the light, I will carry a purse again.

I've got gas

The Gulf of Mexico was hard hit by hurricanes Gustav and Ike. Refineries were closed, damaged or unable to operate. Without the gas from these refineries, Georgia was left in a gas crisis.
Over the weekend, many gas stations were completely out of gas, and those that did have gas also had long lines out into the highway. We still had a 1/4 tank, so we drove by, hoping that things would get better.
Yesterday, even more stations were out and people waited hours to fill up. I made sure I didn't drive far from home.
This morning, with about 3 gallons till empty, I found that many gas stations had put back up their price signs. Not all grades were available, but I was able to fill up. I breathed a little easier as I drove about town, knowing that I didn't have to fear the red fuel light any longer.
I don't remember the 70's fuel crisis, but it was a little scary to not know when gas would be available. It makes me feel vulnerable, how easily our lives could be altered and effected by resources that come from great distances.
My next car is going to be a hybrid! And maybe I"m going to start a farm and making my own clothes too! Hum, maybe that's taking it too far.

The odd thoughts of a mom at 2 am

Wynn could not sleep last night. Every hour or so, she would wake up and cry in her crib. I sat on her floor and sang Twinkle Twinkle a few times, but finally, around midnight, I just pulled her into my bed.
Since she was born, Wynn has always slept best when she is on top of me. She likes to get her head up under my chin, her body just snuggling in. I don't sleep well with a 20lb heater on top of me, but at least I'm not singing on the floor.
Last night, as I lie there, warm, slightly uncomfortable, and listening to her suck her thumb, I had an odd thought. I wondered if she was going to want to sleep on her husband/boyfriends chest when she grew up.
I'm constantly wondering how much I'm effecting these little people and how much what we are as children remains constant. If I wasn't so responsible, I would enjoy the experience of watching them develop so much more!

Exactly how many balls do you have up there?

Hum, maybe 20. I don't know, I've lost track. But I can't stop now or I'm going to drop one, and you know that one of those things flying in my head, I mean above my head, is the baby.
When are you going to stop juggling?
When the kids are potty trained. When they start school. When they move out. When I'm skinny enough, smart enough and have enough money. OK, when I'm dead.
So you like it, having all that up there?
Like it? I hate it. I love it. I'm going crazy all the time, but without things to stress me out, overwhelm me, I'd be bored.
Couldn't you just have 3 or 4 balls? Why so many?
I just kept getting more and more, until I lost count. And I haven't figured out how to put down a few balls, without dropping them all.
Let me know if you figure out the secret.

The Georgia 4 way

Georgia is certainly the south. Not only is it assumed that you are a Christian Republican, a banana is yella, and ya'll is both singular and plural, but they drive differently here too.
When you come to a four way stop, everyone just sits around, no one taking the initiative to go. Regardless of the traffic rules, who got there first, or any other type of logic you may try to apply, people in Georgia are just not in a hurry to leave a 4 way intersection.
Eventually someone will wave to a person to go on first, which irritates me to no ends, because it almost never follows the rules. Maybe they are just too nice for this California girl, but I just wish they'd hurry up and get going.

Too Early

Tonight William cried for his pacifier "papa" at 4:30. He barely made it through dinner, we streched out bath time, yet he fell asleep before Wayne could finish one story in the Curious George Book. Both kids were out before 6pm.
This would seem like a glorious thing. The several hours of freedom to drink a nice glass of white wine while eating dinner. And really, it was.
But they only sleep 12 or so hours. This means that by 6 am, I will have too kids bouncing on the bed. And I'm still up at 10:30.
Someday I'll learn to go to bed early too. Or they'll learn to love waisting time and stay up.

The soundtrack of my life

In a good movie or TV show, the music that plays during key moments, helps to move you emotionally through the moment.
When I was a little girl, I loved musicals. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers was one of my favorites. Who could not love seven handsome redheaded brothers, named in alphabetical order (Abe, Ben, Caleb...) who sing and dance their way through courtship.
I wish I had someone picking music and playing it in the background of my life. Maybe the people around me would be better dialed into my moods, thoughts and the direction life was going.
Right now something sleepy and relaxing would be playing.

Fall

While I love summer, I am ready for fall. The thoughts of early nights, crisp air, and fires blazing, make me nearly giddy. I can almost taste the hot cider, smell the smoke in the air and feel the itchy wool sweater.
I'm so ready for fall that I have already purchased my kids Halloween costumes; a monkey and a kitty. It's still too warm for them to wear them, but I have given in a time or two, when the meows and monkey calls just get too loud to ignore.
Here in Georgia it's still in the 80s, sticky and buggy. Last night I killed a scorpion that was hiding behind my toilet. Yes, I was freaked out, but Wayne wasn't here to do his manly duty of bug removal. When the weather turns cold, the bugs disappear, both inside and out.
And when it's dark outside, it's easier to lie to the kids about bedtime. They may not know how to tell time, but when the neighborhood kids are riding bikes outside, they know they are getting gypped.
This fall I'm planning on finding some "me" time. I have a large Jacuzzi tub that I didn't use much last year, so I'm hoping to read a few good books while soaking up the bubbles. I'll be there as soon as it's darker, colder and I stop finding new House episodes on my dvr.

Choo Choo Zoo

Today was the first time I took the kids on an adventure without someone else coming along to help. They woke up this morning bouncing on the bed with energy, so I decided we'd go to the zoo.
We had a great time. They were so easy, full of smiles and wonder. We sat and had our lunch in the quite shade of the tiger exhibit. While the park was busy, we were often alone, watching the tiger pace and pant on the other side of the glass.
They loved the little train ride, singing choo choo for the rest of the day. They had their first ride on a carousel, on a cougar and rhino. (What happened to horses?) and they got to brush the fur of goats. It was warm, so many of the animals were sleeping in the shade and hard to find, but the otters and elephants put on quite a show.
William came down with a fever, so we had to leave before we saw everything. They both slept hard on the drive home and we had a sleepy, Tylenol and TV afternoon.
Having such a fun day makes me so excited about the years to come. I am almost past the baby stage and into the part of their life where we can have fun adventures!

Living Without

Wayne is away at a conference. Without him, I do not sleep well, eat as well, or feel complete. He is nearly my emotional polar opposite, so when I'm spinning out in some crazy mood or losing my sense of direction, he is always patient, always able to give me a different perspective. He gives me calmness when I can't find any within myself.
While I only have to go without for a few days now and then, there are many woman who have men who are away constantly, or are single moms. I can't imagine the amount of exhaustion they must carry around every day, all day long.
There is so much comfort in knowing I share the responsibility of my children with someone else. That when I have nothing left, Wayne can take over. And while he likes to pretend that he doesn't know what to do, I am always a little awed at his ability to sing the right song to William or show Wynn the flowers outside.
He will be home in three more days. Three more nights of doing the bedtime routine alone;getting two kids cleaned, dressed, and into bed while they are fussy, tired and impossible. Three more night of pulling the kids into bed with me so that I won't lie away listening to the floors creak. Three more.

Getting past the fear

Before any new experience, my heart races, my stomach hurts, sometimes I even get a headache from the anxiety of it all. I get like this before a big trip, a doctors appointment, even going to a party where I know everyone, will cause some stress.
I like the familiar, where it's safe and known. Being at home with my family and good friends give me a great sense of peace.
But, I get energy from new experiences. I thrive on being out in the world, seeing new sights and finding people with similar interests.
So, I push myself to get past my loudly beating heart and my belly aches. I pop two Tylenol and get on with it.
My children respond to things just like I do. They are shy, hesitant, and best when in familiar places with friendly faces. I had hoped that in some way I could encourage them to be different. That somehow my parenting could make them more outgoing. The verdict is still out on that.
So, while I don't know if they will ever be outgoing, at the very least, I hope that I can show them how to push past any hesitations and live life fully.

Addicted

I am officially addicted to House. We have our DVR set to record any House episode that shows up on any channel, so I have over 20 delightful episodes recorded. Many are from season 1, which I have never seen. I love having all the background and details.
So, instead of going to bed at a decent hour, I have been staying up to watch 2 or 3 episodes. Right now, Wayne and Cinco are snoring on the sofa next to me while House tries to figure out why a high school boy is dying. No worries, I know Dr. House will cure him.

Sit back and pray

I recently learned about a group called Mom to Mom, where you get together with other women and discuss being a mom, wife and woman. I am always interested in personal growth, so I thought it might be interesting. The girl who told me about it said that while it's related to a church, it's not too preachy.
My first meeting was last Thursday, and while it was just an introduction, I'm afraid it may not be a perfect fit. I enjoyed the leaders, most of whom have grown children and seem to have knowledge and humor to offer. I enjoyed my breakfast; fruit, cake and coffee. I even enjoyed the conversation with the women I shared a table with.
But, when the minister came up to give a little sermon, she asked for everyone to follow along in their bible. And to my surprise, many women pulled their bookmarked, high lighted and well read bibles out of their purse. I had not brought my dusty one along.
The minister was a good speaker, strong with a persuasive personality. But, despite that, I felt uninspired and sightly turned off from her message. Instead of being motivated, I felt like I should just sit back and pray for my answers. Let god and god's people show me what is right. Don't try to do anything on your own.
Maybe I misunderstood, I can do that from time to time. But I like the idea of personal strength, character, and intelligence, rather than subservience.
We'll see what next week brings.
Amen.

Beautiful Georgia

I'm not sure what I expected, but after a year of living here, I am still surprised by the beauty of the area. Once I am outside the city/suburbs, the land becomes rolling hills covered with forests. A horse farm will pop up from time to time, but it's mostly woods, lakes and ponds.
Hiking trails and parks always have beautiful lush plants and the ponds are filled with turtles.
Yesterday we went to a state park, High Falls. A pretty little waterfall and cascades flowing down granite rocks. William held my hand and Wayne carried Wynn in a carrier as we hiked down the falls to a vista. The kids are always at their best when we are outside; it's great we have such pretty places to visit within an hour of our house.
Of course we are in the south, so we shared the trail with a woman who looked to be about 25, with 4 kids, all of whom had no shoes on.

Nay Nay

We are in the process of potty training. I never knew it was going to be this hard! There are several methods, and we have tired most. Our most successful is when we allow William to be naked.
But now he likes to be naked "nay nay" most of the time and I will find him stripped down, his clothes in a ball in some corner.
Wynn does everything William does, so I'm sure at this time next year I will have two nay nay kids waving hi to the mailman as he passes our window!

Georgia animals and bugs

We live on an acre, so I'm not surprised by the deer, squirels and birds that share our land. But, there are a few things that do surprise me.
Georgia has wild turtles. We have found two cruising around and have saved them from the middle of the road. There are very loud frogs; and they like to swim in the pool at night. There are armadillo's, which I've only seen dead along the road. And there are ground digging wasps who dig deep holes in our yard. They catch cicadas for dinner. They are huge!

Oh, and did I mention the snakes?

Wynn's first pony ride

We went to a local fair this weekend and Wynn enjoyed her first pony ride. We pass horses every time we go to the grocery store; I hear neighs loudly from the back seat, so I was thrilled to finally get her on a pony.

Wynn was the present

The other day I tied back the straps of Wynn's shirt with a ribbon; it kept slipping off her shoulders. William decided that she looked like a present and sang happy birthday while untying the straps his sister's shirt.

Cream

Today William watched me put on face cream. He wanted some too. I put a little dab on his cheeks and then he ran off. A few minutes later, he came back into the bathroom with his face covered in white cream. He had gone into Wynn's room and fished out the diaper cream. He covered his entire face, hands and legs in the stuff. I guess my little dab was just not enough. Despite some scrubbing, he still has a medicine smell....but his cheeks are oh so soft!
I didn't take a photo because I was afrad he'd see me smile. I had to be very serious so he doesn't try it again.